Well, nothing happened.
The girl I blogged about in my last entry was off on hoiday abroad for a month shortly after we met. Plus, she doesn't live locally anyway.
Once I'd had my panicky moments of "does she like me?", and at least come to the conclusion that she doesn't hate me, I was out of touch for a month or more.
By the time she was back, the urgency to see her again had receded. There are two proverbs that are often employed for long-distance affairs - Absence makes the heart grow fonder, and Out of sight, out of mind. I find a third proverb most accurately sums up my attitude:
Absence diminishes little passions, but strengthens great ones
I find that I get equally passionate about people (and about most things, in fact) in the first flush of interest, whether they turn out to be fleeting interests or lifelong obsessions. Time and distance are the only way I can tell the difference.
The older I get, the more I notice that other people - even those who know me well - don't seem prepared for such mercurial moods. I will rant and complain about something that is upsetting or annoying me at the time; it helps me to get over things. Indeed, that's usually why I rant and complain.
For example, an ex girlfriend of mine dumped me a month or two after we'd got together. I wailed and tooth-gnashed to other friends about how low I felt, how depressing it all was, how unlikely it seemed I'd ever get to meet someone I could form a long-term love with etc. And, yes, I bitched a little about the ex.
After a while, once I'd calmed down (the wailing and tooth-gnashing and bitching being the pressure valve that allowed me to do so) the ex and I remained good friends, and still are. The other friends, to whom I'd vented, remain cold, unfriendly and suspicious towards my ex now. I've spoken to them about it, and "find it difficult to forgive her for treating you (i.e. me) so badly".
I have replied that with hindsight, most of the venting was just because I was upset. Yes, objectively there was some bad-treatment. But it wasn't all one-way, for I know I did & said some hurtful things myself.
But I got over it, why can't they?
I thought that these two particular friends were perhaps especialy protective and/or literal-minded, but other situations with other people make me think I'm just a particularly mercurial person.
The stormclouds gather quickly, and lash rain and fury, but are gone just a quick. Similarly, the sun can bathe the landscape with a warm glow for a time, but the clouds always come.
Most people's moods are like this, I guess, but my emotional climate seems to be more in the mould of the four-seasons-in-one-day British weather than the hot-as-hell-for-six-months, spectacular-leaf-fall-for-a-week, cold-as-hell-for-six-months, spring-thaw-lasting-for-a-week climate that most other people seem to have.
It's not that I'm particularly moody; my default setting is a laid back but generally sunny disposition, if tinged with less tolerance for ignorance or stupidity than some people. It's just that, when I do veer to an extreme, it doesn't seem to last for long.
Even my closest and oldest friends seem to get caught out by these rapid outbursts (good ro bad) followed by rapid reversals.
Maybe because they are rare.
I'd love to meet someone who complimented me in this regard - whose moods were as mercurial, and whose baseline outlook was as laid back. That way, most of the time we could rub along in comfort; when she needed to scream at the injustices of the world, I could offer bemused support, and vice versa; and on the rare occasions where we both needed to blow up at the same time, the sparks would keep us warm for years.
But the advice I seem to get from friends (and books etc.) is more that maybe I just need to learn to bite my tongue more, and maintain my placid exterior even when I want to be declaring undying love or screaming undying hatred. (Both of which have, so far at least, tended to die within months, if not hours.)
Which seems a pity; the intensity is such a buzz.
JulesRants
